spite vomit

(this story is not for anyone with a needle phobia. like my friend jenny, who tried so hard to be supportive at the hospital.)

the last time i was in korea i got a pretty nasty case of food poisoning, and ended up in a hospital. before having my IV shunt put in, i had been talking to a doctor, in english. this man spoke pretty good english, for which i am really grateful. i am not one of those people who thinks koreans should all speak english to make my life easier. because then i wouldn't have a job.

anyhoo....

the doctor put an IV shunt in the top of my left hand, but before putting in the IV line, decided to draw some blood for tests. at this point i was hit with a terrible wave of nausea (food. poisoning.) and asked the doctor to just hold off for a few seconds.

me: sir, could you please wait a minute? i think i'm going to throw up.
doctor: (throws his palm in my face, "talk to the hand" style) HEY! Calm. Down.

now, my friends, there are many things in this world that calm down. vomit is not one of them. i turned my head over my shoulder, because i sure as fuck was gonna puke, and i didn't want to get any on myself. then i thought, "oh, no. i warned the man." so i turned my head back to face the good doctor, and puked all down the front of him. because i had warned him.

at the time this happened i felt worse than i have any memory of ever feeling in my entire life. while sitting on a toilet puking into a garbage can, i actually told God that his two options were to cure me or kill me, but He had to stop dicking me around. however, in retrospect, if i still had the wherewithall to throw up on a virtual stranger out of spite, i should have known that a full recovery was emminent.