an open letter to the people who post videos on YouTube

dear people of YouTube,

it's eleven pm. with the help of my trusty iPhone (Batman to my Robin, Holmes to my Watson), i decide that i want to watch justin timerlake and andy samberg sing about porking each other's moms. here's a list of things i don't want to watch:

1. a montage of still images from the video. especially a montage of still images set to the music of an entirely different song.

2. the lyrics to the song in pink San Serif font on a black background

3. you singing the song into your webcam

4. you playing the song on your piano

5. you dancing to the song

6. you cat licking its cat balls while the song plays in the background

7. you and your bro wearing salvation army blouses acting the song out, even though this one is deeply hilarious in a "laughing at you" sorta way

it's not that i don't think you, the people of YouTube, are deeply creative stories to tell. okay, i don't think that. but that's because you're not proving your worth. sew your own techinicolor dreamcoat and let go of JT's coattails.