bikini waxing

for some ungodly reason, i keep falling into conversations about bikini region upkeep with the people i know. i need you to know that A) i don't start these conversations and B) i'm all for maintaining good hygene. but here's the thing. i have never, and never plan on ever, getting a bikini wax. why?



because i feel like if you were to make an itemized list of all the things a lady should never put near her cooch, it would go a little something like this:



1. alligators

2. razor blades

3. hot wax

4. kevin federline



numbers one and four are easily enough side-stepped, assuming one is neither a japanese porn star nor brittney spears. so why the hell would i go running into the arms of numbers two and three?