bikini waxing

for some ungodly reason, i keep falling into conversations about bikini region upkeep with the people i know. i need you to know that A) i don't start these conversations and B) i'm all for maintaining good hygene. but here's the thing. i have never, and never plan on ever, getting a bikini wax. why?



because i feel like if you were to make an itemized list of all the things a lady should never put near her cooch, it would go a little something like this:



1. alligators

2. razor blades

3. hot wax

4. kevin federline



numbers one and four are easily enough side-stepped, assuming one is neither a japanese porn star nor brittney spears. so why the hell would i go running into the arms of numbers two and three?

sweet belly

sweet belly is the affectionate name i have for what surely must be my second stomach. for you see, no matter how much salty/savory food i manage to shove down my gullet (hint: it's a lot), i always have room for something sweet. like a giant, costco-sized tub of jelly bellies.

i've had this particular tub of jelly bellies for just over two weeks now. that's right. fourteen days. i like candy. it's about 2/3 empty. and about half of what's left are just the jelly belly flavors i don't particularly care for. we really need four flavors of coffee jelly beans? not, say, more peach ones?

i'm keeping all the flavors i don't particularly love (cappuccino AND cafe latte?!!? really?) because one day i may be so desperately in need of something made entirely of sugar that i'll eat them. i don't want to know what that day looks like. there will probably be no mascara, and i'll be kicking puppies. but you gotta be prepared.

orphan sandwich

firstly, yes, i realize i went away for a very long time. called out by my dad. sorry, pops.

anyway, the purpose of this blog, one of the very many i plan on writing to explain what the all i've been doing for the past months, is to tell you about the orphan sandwich.

there's a place in itaewon called suji's. apparently there are other branches in other parts of seoul, but i've only ever gone to the 'twon. the make a rueben sandwich that is completely ridiculous.

how ridiculous? well, if you told me, four bites in, that the sandwich was made entirely of orphans, i would finish it. it's too delicious to discard, and it's also too late for angelina to do those orphans any good.

perhaps not the ringing endorsement a fine dining establishment might want, but i can't think of a higher compliment.

pithy pop song wisdom

you say you wanna go there?
ride, then.
you say you don't wanna be here?
leave, then.
time comes to get gone.
--greg dulli

and the time will come
when you add up the numbers
and the time will come
when you motor away
why don't you just
drive away?
--robert pollard

here's the thing. i used to be unhappy. desperately so. to the point of being a cliche. and then...i left the place that made me unhappy and i tried something new. i have no patience for unhappy people. i just don't. the world is full of ways to be joyous. try harder.

imaginary daegu, giver of very real hangovers

this weekend my co-worker/chingu jacks and i went down to daegu, the city where i used to live. we call it imaginary daegu, since i claim often that daegu has many amazing features that i have yet to find in seoul. chiefly, oven-baked pasta, crab rangoon and cheap and lovel pedicures. and we found all of these. we also found some bamboo soju. and when i say we found some bamboo soju i mean i personally drank my weight in it. ugh.

sunday afternoon i set an alarm to make sure that we'd get back up to catch the train up to seoul. an alarm for 2pm. and i remember being upset that we had to get up that early.

don't get me wrong, it was an awesome weekend. that i would really prefer to never, ever repeat again.

we wish you a merry hamburger

tonight i went with some friends to a new-ish restaurant in the sinchon area. the allure of the place was two-fold. first, i was told there were really great burgers and fries. second, it was entirely christmas themed. both turned out to be completely true. i had the bacon burger, which the menu called the "santa bacon burger," though i think it's a safe bet it was pig bacon and not cured side of saint nick. all that, plus coke in glass bottles!!

(and yet, because i can always find something to complain about, the joint's one christmas tree was a triffle on the sad side. like, charlie brown would try to adopt it.)

the scenic entrance

glass bottle clink!

nerds!

i just participated in the seoul players "night of 1000 plays." (i call the people in my drama group nerds. to their faces, which makes it okay.) amongst my quibbles with the night of 1000 plays are A: the fact that there were, like, 40 plays which were B: spaced out over two nights. you say po-tay-toe, i say 40 is a whole fucking lot less than 1000.

i learned many things during my time with the nerds. i learned that you must never, ever tell drama nerds that you don't like the play Rent. fyi: i don't like the play Rent. why? because you wanna know how you're gonna pay the rent? you're gonna get a damn job, you waste of space hippie. however, drama nerds don't want to hear anything about you not liking Rent. they will stare at you like you're Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and they're the UN General Assembly.

really, people. it's not a good play.

still the night of (insert sarcastic air quotes) 1000 plays was quite a lot of fun. i got to play some guy's subconscious mind, as a lesbian. and a weird character called Baby Boo that totally defies explanation. and william came up to visit. whee!