m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i

there's a lot i enjoy about being back home with my family. chiefly, my family and butterfinger candy bars. and netflix. and ice cream with butterfingers in it.

but the other day i noticed a nice, unintended, non-candy-related little perk of being in mississippi. no one ever spells the word mississippi in an attempt to amuse me. if you're from mississippi and you end up some place where there are not that many people from mississippi (say, like, south korea), people will invariably, once they learn you hail from mississippi, spell the word mississippi, then look at you for a reaction, as though being able to spell the word mississippi is the most original and entertaining thing that has ever happened. ever.

it's not. to the point that when strangers in far-flung places ask me where i'm from, i reply: "mississippi. don't spell it." if they DO spell it, i take their drink out of their hand, finish it for them, and walk away.

imagine if this was how people greeted each other within the state.

A: Where are you from?
B: Jackson.
A: J-A-C-K-S-O-N! [holds hand up aggressively, demanding a high-five]

ugh, i say. ugh.

my passionate love affair with america is over

i just got home from the grocery store, where i bought - i swear - healthy foods to promote asia skinny retention. and a glamour magazine. it was my stop-over at the magazine rack that brought on my disdain for america. because i counted THREE (3)magazine covers featuring one of the girls from Teen Mom. if you don't know what Teen Mom is, go in peace, my friend, and never look down that road. it will kill your soul.

i want to like america. i really, really do. but i cannot abide by a culture that turns sixteen year-old girls too stupid to make their boyfriends bag it up into celebrities.

and, from looking at the covers, none of these magazines are offering cautionary tales, about how you don't end up pregnant before you can vote, living without furniture, struggling to get your GED. maci is back with her baby's father! amber has lost a ton of weight! farrah isn't pregnant! i made note of all the covers, since i like to have accurate fodder for my indignation.

i would never categorize someone else's child as a mistake, but i feel like these girls are being put on a pedestal for making really bad choices. it grosses me out.

vegetables

i've been back in america for about two months now, desperately trying to hang on to what i call my "asia skinny." it's not the same as being actually skinny, just skinnier than i am when there's butterfingers everywhere. grocery stores in asia don't have butterfingers. i cannot be trusted around a butterfinger candy bar. i enter a fugue state, and basically black out for a few minutes and wake up covered in chocolate and crispity-crunchity crumbies, with no memory of having actually eaten the butterfinger.

i've been trying to eat as well as i can, lots of fruits and veggies and very few trips to cold stone. since the last time i was home, america has become seemingly obsessed with getting enough veggies, since every commerical on the television claims that product X contains A FULL SERVING OF VEGETABLES! chef boyardee, apple juice, manwich, pasta sauce and many, many more contain a full serving of vegetables. exclamation point.

you know what else has a full serving of vegetables? broccoli. you want to get veggies in your diet? you think your kids need to eat more vegetables? then buy a damn vegetable. because manwich is not vegetables. at. all.